I was listening to podcast this week titled "No More Mister Nice Guy". As a life-long middle child (peacemaker) and pleaser, this one struck me as worthy of a listen.
Very quickly, the conversation turned towards unspoken expectations. Come to find out, the "nice guys/girls" often are not so happy on the inside. Due to our external tendencies to get along, fit in, not rock the boat... we often fail to declare our preferences, desires, and expectations. These unspoken/undeclared expectations lead to resentment, which is a powerful negative emotion taking away from internal happiness and life satisfaction. So as it turns out, the nice guy/girl - while appearing externally happy and content - is often internally disappointed and resentful.
This is an important lesson for us all to grasp. While it can be difficult on the front end to muster up the courage to publicly declare our expectations, doing so frees us from the trap of resentment. How can our spouses, children, colleagues, and friends respond to our expectations if they do not even know what they are?
It's time to turn this around and reverse engineer this approach for success. In stead of unspoken expectations, we should strive to declare our expectations upfront. Sure, people will disagree and even push back on your preferences, requests, desires, and expectations. However, that is genuine and authentic, and I have found that I respect people who declare their expectations more than those with whom do not. At least I know where they stand and can act accordingly.
So, no more mister nice guy/girl! Just kidding, as the true wisdom here is learning how to publicly declare your expectations in a kind and collaborative way.